Giving Thanks and Remembering: Happy Thanksgiving to All

In Mexico we say, gracias, thank you. We give thanks for el día de acción de gracias, which is how our Oaxaca friends greet us.  May your day with family and friends be stuffed with turkey, gratitude, peace, laughter and remembrance for those who came before you to give you life, wherever you are.


I hope whatever you choose to eat — guajolote, turkey, turducken or tofucken — be delicious and abundant. An abundant life is a blessing to appreciate and to help give to others.


Our mom was buried a week ago in Santa Cruz, California. She died peacefully on November 15, three months before her 100th birthday. Her life was long and meaningful. We are missing her. Today we celebrate and remember.


Today we will give special thanks for her life and ours.  Listen to I’m standing on the shoulders of the ones who came before me by Grammy Award-winning Cantor Doug Cotler. We will share memories, look at photos, play Scrabble — our mom’s favorite game, and how she honed her amazing vocabulary and helped us develop ours.  In the last six months she taught us the word risible and used it frequently. We all laughed.


I am here with my son, sister, brother and brother-in-law. This last gift from our mother was to bring us together for Thanksgiving, a first for all of us.


In the past weeks as I was with our mom, helping her, my sister and brother to ease her to end of life, I realized how important it is to be in Oaxaca for Day of the Dead. It was even more meaningful this year as I prepared to make the journey to California knowing what would come.


As I was with my mother as she made her journey, I realized this was another gift she gave me — how to leave us at peace and with dignity.


I was raised in a home where science was truth and mysticism was for the ultra-religious. Concrete proof was required to test all beliefs. Things change. I have learned from the Zapotecs who embrace the spirit world and blend it into a continuum of life and death. For me now, the ethereal is more acceptable than the concrete. Someone I knew once said, the dead don’t care. I believe they do. To know that they care is to acknowledge that we cared about and loved them.


Now, I have a different experience and I’m inclined to believe that our parent’s molecules are mingled with earth and sky, that the soul, the spirit, the essense of their being and those of our ancestors are with me forever. There is much I do not know about life and death.  Life is a mystery and death a destination.

I know that I will visit my mother and she will visit me each year when I build a memory altar with food, copal, candles and a sense of  life as mystery. But this won’t be the only time either.


I am thinking of creating a Day of the Dead memory and rituals program next year to examine the way Mexico honors and remembers the deceased. I want to contrast this with how we approach death and dying in the El Norte culture. If you like this idea, please let me know!


Taking a Break

I made the transition from Oaxaca to California to join my family in care giving for our mother. My sister and I are taking alternating 24-hour periods. Our mom will be 100 on her next birthday, Valentine’s Day.

After writing this blog almost non-stop since November 2007, I’ve decided it’s time to take a break to concentrate of family, care giving and all that this requires.   Thank you for understanding and for continuing to stick with me in my absence. At this moment I don’t know when I will be back with you next.

Sunset at Las Cuevitas

Sunset at Las Cuevitas

Another Year in Santa Cruz Xoxocotlan, Oaxaca, Day of the Dead

It’s my habit, practice, custom, wish to leave Oaxaca city at 3:00 p.m. to arrive at the old cemetery (panteon) in Santa Cruz Xoxocotlan by 4:00 p.m. to celebrate Day of the Dead/Dia de los Muertos. I go there first and spend at least an hour and half in this sacred space. It’s just before the magic hour, before the light begins to fade at dusk. Getting there early has another advantage — a parking place close to the center of town.

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The old cemetery is magical. It houses the remains of an old adobe church with crumbling walls that are held up by wood scaffolding. The fading stucco lintel can still be read, dated 1648 and adorned with cherubs and saints. It is roofless.

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Yellow plastic do not cross–danger zone tape is a warning against entry. There is more of it this year. There are tombs inside. Last year a family invited us in to join them at an ancestor’s grave covered with flowers. This year, there was no one and I didn’t see any flowers. Perhaps it is now too dangerous to enter. I don’t know if there is a restoration plan.

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Some of the grave stones are so weathered they are hard to read. Other tombs are marked by simple crosses and mounds of earth. You can tell who still has relatives in town who will pay attention to the dead. Some graves are empty of adornment. Others may have a token marigold plant so the souls know where to return.

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We step carefully. Grave sites are adjoining and there is no clear path. If you aren’t careful, you can trip and fall. I stand against the concrete wall that holds this space to take it all in, look at the clear Oaxaca sky, think about life and death, and see an ancient Zapotec tradition unfold that pre-dates the Spanish conquest. I never tire of this. There are ancient bones here.

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Just as in Teotitlan del Valle and San Pablo Villa de Mitla, locals welcome tourists because tourism is essential for Oaxaca’s economy. Those in larger villages accustomed to visitors for Muertos usually don’t mind having their photos taken but I’m always careful to ask. In the smaller villages, it’s still awkward since tourism is a relatively new phenomenon.

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This year, however, what captivated me most was the changing, deteriorating structure of the old adobe, the arrival of the old and young together to tend to tradition, and the profusion of flowers.

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As I rounded a corner I found a four-legged friend who was barking, guarding her own treasure hidden beneath the marble roof of an old monument that was now serving another purpose — shelter for new-born pups.

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There is a profusion of homeless street dogs in Oaxaca. Most are never neutered and families usually don’t want females because they become pregnant. Duh! In some of the pueblos there is a growing movement toward education about animal protection/sterilization. But it is slow to take hold.

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At every cemetery throughout Oaxaca, families bring in bundles of marigolds and purple cockscomb, vases, candles, oranges and bananas, brooms to sweep up the dried flowers from last year. Often they use wheelbarrows provided by the cemetery committee in each village. There is always a water cistern close by.

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Don’t worry. You can buy candles, flowers and fruit right out on the street on your way to the cemetery. There are plenty of places to snack, grab a beer, and entertain yourself with amusements for children and adults, see the sand sculpture and an art exhibition. Wood-carvers from San Antonio Arrazola have a great annual display of alebrijes, too.

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As we made our way through town to the new cemetery, we began to feel a different vibe. It was beginning look more like Halloween and an all-night party. It was only 7:00 p.m. The night was young and the young ones were getting ready.

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Xoxo (Ho-Ho), as the town is called for short, has many wonderful murals on the Day of the Dead theme that are spray painted by street artists. This is a close-up of one below.

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At the main cemetery, mezcal is offered freely to visitors by those gathered graveside. This burial ground is a wide open space with strolling mariachis and lots of flash photography.

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We didn’t linger there long — long enough to get the taste of the wild and wonderful celebration to come later, and long enough to sip a mezcal with a family in tribute to their ancestors. Remember, the dead are only dead if no one remembers them and celebrates their lives.

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Perhaps this will be my last Dia de los Muertos post this year. We shall see. I hope you have enjoyed the series, and may your departed loved ones continue to rest easy.

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Tips to Participate:  Bring several bundles of marigold flowers and offer some to local people to add to the tombs. You can also bring bananas, oranges and nuts. This is a very thoughtful gesture that demonstrates your desire to share in the ritual. Smile. Sit a while. Even if you don’t speak Spanish and smile and nod of acknowledgement goes a long way to friend-building.




The Children: Day of the Dead in Oaxaca, Mexico

Children fully take part in Day of the Dead here in Oaxaca, Mexico, too. They are an important part of the ritual and celebration. They go with family members to sit vigil by grave sites regardless of age. Death is an integral part of life here and not to be feared.

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On October 30 a children’s procession is held along the Andador Macedonio Alcala to honor the souls of the young ones who left this world too soon. Count Dracula and La Calavera Catrina are popular figures for costumes.

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I came across a group of five-year olds, their parents and grandparents, assembled in a city square waiting for the procession to begin. They were all from the same class at the same school.

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One grandparent made certain to tell me that they made the little one’s costume all from crepe paper. It was very elegant and disposable.

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Some of the costumes are handmade.  Others are store-bought and similar to what we might see on Halloween in the USA.

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Without a doubt, watching the children is a real treat and part of the allure of being here in Oaxaca on Day of the Dead. And, doesn’t this one say it all!

24-Hour Oaxaca Textile Web Event: Tuxtepec Huipiles Sale

Buy before 2 p.m. Central Daylight Time (tomorrow) November 4.  I will bring your purchase(s) to the U.S.A. when I travel on Thursday morning and ship from California to anywhere in the U.S.A. early next week. Shipping included in price. I’m making this unexpected trip to help care for our mom.  Must be prepaid with PayPal for me to pack and bring. I will send you an invoice. Tell me which one you want.

These are the ones you see in the Guelaguetza! All huipiles/dresses measure about 42″ long from shoulder to hem, and about 28″ wide.  They can fit size L-XXL body and drape very nicely. From my collection and purchased directly from the women who made them. New.

Two Huipiles from San Felipe Usila, Oaxaca


SFU1: San Felipe Usila Huipil

SFU1: Above. hand-woven on back strap loom in traditional red and black San Felipe Usila style with extravagant supplementary weft and hand embroidered. $295.


SFU1: Bodice detail

SFU1: Bodice detail

SFU2:  Above. hand-woven on back strap loom in traditional red and black San Felipe Usila style with supplementary weft, a simpler version of SFU1. $250.

Two Huipiles from the Island of Soyaltepec

SOY1: Soyaltepec huipil, fuchsia with black

SOY1: Soyaltepec huipil, fuchsia with black

SOY1 bodice detail

SOY1 bodice detail

SOY1: stitching detail

SOY1: stitching detail

SOY1: Hand embroidered in the village of Soyaltepec, an island in the Miguel Aleman Dam in the remote Chinantla region of Oaxaca about 8 hours from Oaxaca city. Fuchsia and black flowers and birds on finest quality, soft muslin cotton — what the locals wear. $235.

SOY2: Variegated fuchsia and green Soyaltepec huipil

SOY2: Variegated fuchsia and green Soyaltepec huipil

SOY2: embroidery detail

SOY2: embroidery detail

SOY2: Hand embroidered in the village of Soyaltepec. Variations of green and fuchsia on muslin cotton. $275.

One Huipil from Valle Nacional

VALLE1: Valle Nacional huipil

VALLE1: Valle Nacional huipil

Valle Nacional bodice detail

Valle Nacional bodice detail

VALLE1: Handwoven cotton on a back strap loom with hand embroidered cross stitch bodice from the town of Valle Nacional in the Tuxtepec region of Oaxaca. A knock-out and very comfortable. $155.