Tag Archives: respect

A Culture of Kindness in Japan

Some of you may know that I have a creative writing site on Substack called Digging Deep, Then Deeper: Something to Say. Today, I published an essay about my take on Japanese culture based on my observations of acts of kindness, cleanliness, and respect. Rather than repost it in its entirety, you can read it at this link: A Culture of Kindness.

And, if you haven’t already subscribed to read my essays past and future, you can do this at the end of the essay with the buttons.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. All my best, Norma

And, we are taking a list of people interested in going with us to Japan for a culture and textile tour in October 2025. If you would like to add your name to be notified when we have more information, please send me an email. Thank you very much.

Day of the Dead Etiquette and Behavior: Teotitlan del Valle Cemetery

Last year, 2022, Day of the Dead in Teotitlan del Valle was a frenzy. Big tour buses and mini-vans each holding 24 to 36 passengers unloaded face-painted visitors in front of our cemetery. I had made a plan this year to go early and not stay very long, expecting the same thing — travelers looking for mezcal shots, pointing their cameras in locals’ faces without asking permission, and having a roaring good time. I noted that tour guides had not prepared the visitors for an experience that included cultural sensitivity and respect. In 2022, foreign visitors outnumbered village residents two to one.

This year, I was very surprised to see only one face-painted visitor, no buses or vans, and very few tourists between 5 and 6:30 p.m. I thought, perhaps it was because the village municipal authorities made a policy to collect a toll from the buses and vans.

Oh, but how I was misled! My good friend Ani, who has been living here since 2003, went to the cemetery to pay her respects to our dear friend Juvenal, who died from Covid at the front end of the pandemic. He was fifty-two. She reported to me that the buses and vans showed up at 7 p.m., disgorging revelers who came to party. I narrowly escaped the assault.

The benefit of visiting earlier is that I saw Teotiteco familes enjoying the balmy fall evening, sitting around the gravesites of their loved ones, telling stories, eating peanuts and oranges, maybe taking sips of mezcal or beer. I mistakenly assumed that the panteon had returned to how it was pre-Pandemic.

So this brings me around to visitor behavior and etiquette for visiting cemeteries in Oaxaca for Day of the Dead.

  1. Please do not dress up in costume or paint your face! Locals don’t like it. This is not the tradition here (nor is it in Patzcuaro). Face painting comes right out of the movie Coco and has nothing to do with Day of the Dead. Nor does Halloween. Like many things, foreigners introduce ways that are culturally inappropriate and erode customs.
  2. Observe how local people dress and comport themselves and do the same.
  3. Come with flowers for graves, Day of the Dead bread, and candles. You can connect with a family this way if you make an offering to their loved one.
  4. Please do not arrive drunk or bring mezcal into the cemeteries. This is not your celebration. You are a visitor who needs to be respectful and circumspect.
  5. Walk slowly. Smile. Say hello. You may be invited to sit when you show that you understand and care.
  6. Please do not point your camera lens in someone’s face. I see this time and again. It happened to me in the village market and it doesn’t feel good. It feels invasive. Ask for permission if you are within six feet of another. Panorama photos can be taken without asking permission.
  7. Understand that you are stepping on sacred ground. This is an 8,000 year old tradition. Please let’s help keep it that way.

If anyone has any other tips or comments they want to add, please send me an email and I’ll publish them. Thank you for reading and listening.

Mexican Immigrants Help North Carolina Friends Dig Out, Clean Up After Hurricane Matthew

I got this message today from dear friends who live near the tributaries of the Cape Fear River in North Carolina. The important note is that they are safe, and that they could employ Mexican immigrants (we don’t ask if they have papers) to help them dig out.

THANK YOU,  to the Mexicans who travel here in search of jobs, we appreciate your work ethic and desire to pitch in, to send money home to your families, and we honor and respect you.

Here’s part of the message:

“Most folks who know us are aware that our 12 acre property was under water during Hurricane Fran 20 years ago, the day we were to move into our new home. There has been occasional minor flooding since then. Although we have carried flood insurance, we have never had to use it until now.  This time was a little different with the creek behind our property overflowing upstream and coming across the front yard, in addition to the back 3 acres flooding over the lower banks.  The house, which is slightly higher than the ground, quickly ended up as an island amidst rushing water on all sides.  Two neighbors who came down to offer help were also stranded in the house with us when we finally called 911.  The 4 of us and our 2 goats were evacuated via a Swift Water Rescue motor boat.

It must have been quite a sight! Unfortunately our youngest goat drowned earlier.  That tragedy has been the worst part of all.  The 12 chickens spent the night in our upstairs bathroom and the dog and 2 cats stayed together in the upstairs bonus room.  The 2 horses were on high ground and entertained by all the excitement and extra loving. Our neighbor is the anchor for the nightly news so once again the farm was featured!

Fortunately water did not come directly into the house.  Yesterday there was 2 ft. of standing water in the crawl space beneath the house, about 2 inches from the sub-flooring.  After pumping 24 hrs. we still have about water so are unable to assess the full damage to the flooring.  We do know that we lost ducts, installation, all of our HVAC units and a hot water heater.  The yard and pastures were littered with debris.  2 freezers we used for animal feed storage floated away as well as the chicken coops and tack shed inventory. Minor water is in the vehicles.

God mysteriously touches us when we least expect it. We located 8 Hispanic migrant workers who were out of work due to the loss of the  tobacco crop.  Greeting us with grateful and smiling faces, they worked all day yesterday and today to rebuild fences and shelters for our animals.  

It is a beautiful Fall day and hard to believe that so much has happened here.”

I’m so happy my friends are safe. That they have help. And, that I am here to vote against the wall.